A little list of things I’ve learnt from Mother Bear over the years…
1. Never write in red pen
I think I was about to scrawl in a birthday card for a friend before my mum stopped me and told me it was rude and that using red pen is like shouting..
2. If you’re cold, kick..
Think I was around 9 and I was moaning about being cold in bed so she told me to kick my legs really hard ’til I warmed up. I’m glad I’ve discovered blankets since then or sharing a bed with boyfriends would be a little awkward.
3. Putting shoes on a table is bad luck (although kicking the table with said shoes when you’re angry is fine)
4. You can’t take a gift back
So think very carefully before giving your favourite thing away..
5. If you have a nose bleed whilst driving it’s perfectly acceptable to grab a tampon from the glove compartment and shove it up your nose.
6. You’re never too old to snort when you laugh or pretend to flash the neighbours
7. Don’t look in the mirror when you’re crying (unless you’re doing it for dramatic effect and need to cry more)
8. An iron is an uneccesary household appliance
All you need to do is get the clothes out of the washing machine, shake them like a polaroid picture then blast them in the dryer. Jobs a good’un.
9. It’s possible to be too independent; it’s okay to ask for help sometimes
10. When performing interpretive dance, you must keep a straight face so people don’t know if you’re joking.
11. A woman should wear heels everyday
The sight of flat shoes/UGG boots makes her want to throw up/ROFL. I’m tempted to take home a pair of these bad boys just to see her reaction..probably akin to me bringing home Hitler as a boyfriend.